How to arrange home care for an elderly parent
From noticing that things are getting harder, to the first visit and beyond: a practical guide for sons, daughters and other family members.
Arranging care for a parent is rarely a single decision. More often it's a series of small realisations: the fridge is emptier than it should be, the post is piling up, or there's been a fall nobody mentioned. This guide walks through the process step by step, from that first conversation to the point where care is up and running.
Recognising when extra support might help
There's no single moment when someone 'needs' care. It's worth paying attention if you notice several of these together:
- Meals being skipped, or out-of-date food in the fridge
- Weight loss, or wearing the same clothes for several days
- Missed medication, or confusion about when to take it
- Difficulty getting in and out of the bath or up the stairs
- Bills and post left unopened
- Fewer trips out, or losing touch with friends
- Falls or near-misses, even small ones
- You, or another relative, feeling stretched by the amount of help you're giving
None of these means your parent can't manage. But they can be a sign that a little help, at the right times, would make day-to-day life easier and safer.
Starting the conversation
Many parents are reluctant to accept help, often because they worry about losing independence or 'being a burden'. A few approaches tend to make the conversation easier:
- Choose a calm moment, not straight after a fall or a difficult day.
- Talk about what they want to keep doing, rather than what they can no longer manage. Care is there to protect independence, not take it away.
- Start small. A couple of visits a week for shopping or companionship can feel far less daunting than 'carers'.
- Involve them in every decision. Who visits, when, and what help is offered should be their choice wherever possible.
- Be patient. It may take several conversations.
If your parent has difficulty understanding or making decisions, speak to whoever holds lasting power of attorney for health and welfare, and involve your parent as much as they're able.
Understanding what matters to them
Before contacting providers, it helps to jot down a few notes about your parent's routine and preferences. What time do they like to get up? Do they prefer a bath or a shower? What do they enjoy talking about? Are there things they'd find uncomfortable, such as help with personal care from someone they don't know? These details make a big difference to how well care is matched, and they're exactly what a good provider will ask about.
Choosing a home care provider
All home care providers in England must be registered with the Care Quality Commission. Beyond that, these questions help separate one provider from another:
- What is your CQC rating, and can I read the report?
- Will my parent see the same small team of carers?
- How do you match carers to clients?
- What is your minimum visit length and minimum number of hours a week?
- Who can I speak to in the office if something changes?
- How will I be kept informed about visits?
- How do you handle concerns or complaints?
- How quickly can care start?
Visit length is worth asking about in particular. Hedgerow's packages start from seven hours a week with visits of at least an hour, because short, rushed calls leave little time for conversation or noticing how someone is really doing.
Making the first enquiry
You don't need to have everything worked out before you get in touch. It helps to have a rough idea of:
- Where your parent lives, and who else lives with them
- What kind of help seems to be needed, and at what times of day
- How soon you'd like care to start
- Any upcoming events, such as a hospital discharge
Please don't worry about sending detailed medical information at this stage. A good provider will discuss this with you properly during the assessment.
The home care assessment
The assessment is a relaxed conversation, usually at your parent's home, to understand their needs, routines, preferences and any risks. You're welcome to be there, with your parent's agreement. At Hedgerow it's free and there's no obligation. Our guide to what happens at a home care assessment explains it in more detail.
Meeting suitable carers
Matching matters. Where possible, we introduce carers before care begins, so your parent can say who they feel most comfortable with. CQC noted that people supported by Hedgerow had opportunities to meet different care workers and choose. For live-in care, we prefer to allow a few days for introductions and meet-and-greets.
The care plan
After the assessment, the care plan sets out what help will be given, when, and how your parent likes things done. It should read like a description of a person, not a list of tasks. With your parent's consent, authorised family members can view the care plan and daily notes online, so you can see how visits are going even if you live further away.
The first visits, and reviews
The first week or two is a settling-in period. Expect a few adjustments as everyone gets to know each other. A good provider will check in with you early on, then review the care plan regularly and whenever needs change. Care can increase, reduce or change shape over time.
If you're also wondering about cost, our guide to home care costs in North London explains what affects the price and how to compare quotes. You can also read more about elderly care at home.
This guide is general information about care in England and isn't medical, legal or financial advice. Last reviewed 14 October 2026.